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Post by Gabriel Meridian on Dec 30, 2018 3:08:53 GMT -8
Since she slipped her hands into her pockets, Gabe wrapped his arm around her back. He didn't care if he got in trouble for a little PDA. Becca seemed a little bit hurt, but it was too close to the curfew for them to do much of anything other than make out in a tub. If he had his choice, he'd say fuck it and dive right in, but he had to be at least somewhat responsible.
"We can sneak back this way tomorrow sometime and see if the magic is still weak," he said, trying not to specify too much of a time, knowing she liked a bit of spontaneity. "That is if you want to," he said before pausing, lifting up her chin and looking into her brown eyes. "If not that's ok too," he said before he leaned down and kissed her on the lips tenderly.
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Post by Becca Miller on Dec 30, 2018 3:21:55 GMT -8
Her shoulders tensed slightly as he put his arm around her back. She'd have been fine with just a little bit of making out. It wasn't like she was expecting much more than that, considering the time constraints. It wasn't even necessary to get in the tub, so there would have been no time wasted getting undressed and redressed. It was just that they'd found a place away from prying eyes, where it was highly improbable that anyone would happen upon them. It could have been any number of the rooms in this wing. It had been random and spontaneous, and that was exactly what she wanted. Having that snatched away so quickly was more than a little disappointing.
"I guess," she shrugged. Becca kissed him in return, albeit weakly, then pulled away and turned to start walking again.
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Post by Gabriel Meridian on Dec 30, 2018 3:28:15 GMT -8
"Bec, have I done something wrong?" he asked, suddenly stopping in the hallway to face her. "You suddenly don't want me to touch you. You kissed me back like you didn't want to."
Gabe didn't want Becca to be mad at him, but he had no idea what he'd done except for reminding her it was almost curfew. At this point they should be heading to their houses, he looked down at his watch.
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Post by Becca Miller on Dec 30, 2018 11:06:57 GMT -8
Her feet halted as he stopped in the middle of the hallway. Of course he would think he did something wrong. Why couldn't he see why she might be disappointed? Her shoulders slumped, but she didn't face him. Instead, she stared down at her shoes.
"No, Gabe, you did nothing wrong," Becca said, guilt forming in the pit of her stomach like a stone. She wanted to be frustrated that he didn't understand, but all she could feel was bad for having made him feel like he'd done something wrong. Why couldn't she ever just feel upset without having to feel guilty for it? "I'm disappointed. Something finally happened, some random and spontaneous and unpredictable situation. The sort of situation I crave to be in with you. And it won't be the same tomorrow, even if we can still get in," she shook her head and sighed. It wouldn't even be the same if he changed his mind and went back right then. The moment was gone. "It's not like we haven't ignored curfew before. We've spent the night in the cave more than once. It's Friday, we don't have classes in the morning. What's different now?"
Becca pulled her hands from her pockets, tucked her hair behind her ears, then crossed her arms insecurely. "Is it because I... Because of last night?" she asked, closing her eyes tightly.
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Post by Gabriel Meridian on Dec 30, 2018 14:01:52 GMT -8
"I'm not good at being spontaneous I guess," he said quietly, looking at the floor. "I didn't want to take a risk of whoever uses that bathroom to walk in on us. In the cave, we don't have that problem. I'm sorry I messed up again."
Gabe was fully holding this on his shoulders, he just couldn't be spontaneous no matter how hard he tried because he couldn't recognize the moments for what they were. When she asked if it was about the previous night, Gabe looked up at her from his shoes and fervently shook his head. "No, no, no, Bec why would you even think that? I love you and I want to be with you in every way," he said with that extra emphasis on every. "Yesterday just wasn't the right day for it, that's all. We'll get it right sometime if you want to keep trying with me that is."
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Post by Becca Miller on Dec 30, 2018 14:56:52 GMT -8
Would he always do that? Turn everything around, make it about him so that she felt horrible about being upset? When would he learn that her feelings weren't always a direct result of something he'd said or done? Or not said or done, in this case. She didn't feel like nursing his bruised ego. "Whatever, Gabriel. I told you you didn't do anything wrong," Becca said, sighing in exasperation. "Just because I'm disappointed doesn't mean it's your fault. I got my hopes up, and that's on me. If you feel guilty about that, that's on you."
She wasn't going to feel sorry for him. He could be as spontaneous as anyone else. They had found the cave on a whim, hadn't they? He had it in him, he just needed to tap into it. "Why wouldn't I think that?" Becca countered. "You've never really been concerned about being caught before. We've made out in the quad, in the hallways, and in the movie theater. Now you're worried about one person walking in on us in a bathroom that hardly anyone even knows exists, close to curfew. What am I supposed to think? What's changed between those other things and today?"
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Post by Gabriel Meridian on Dec 30, 2018 15:05:05 GMT -8
"Maybe I nervous," he admitted. "I'm nervous that we'll try and you'll calm up again. When it happened yesterday, I thought it was me, that maybe I had touched you in the wrong way or something. I don't know, I'm just being stupid I guess. It's a huge thing for me to lose my virginity to you, but I don't want anyone but you to have it."
He looked away for a moment before brushing his hair back out of his blue eyes, "I'm more frustrated with myself than anything because I read situations wrong and I can't take that back and give you what you 'crave'. I want to try again, and keep trying until we finally make it."
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Post by Becca Miller on Dec 30, 2018 15:49:47 GMT -8
"It's not like I expected to go all the way, I knew it was close to curfew," she sighed audibly. "But we had time to do a little something."
So he was feeling insecure about it, too. That was... not a relief. Becca wanted to know it was okay, that it didn't bother him, that he didn't blame himself. When she said it wasn't his fault, she'd meant it. "It's a big deal to me, too. A really big deal. Like, the biggest deal. That's why it makes me so nervous. I want it to be perfect and wonderful. I want it to be right. The right time. The right place. I don't want you to regret it. I want to be sure you feel like I'm the right person because I feel like you are. I don't want either of us to look back on it and think 'I wish I would have waited'."
Maybe they weren't ready. The thought made her visibly flinch. "Stop trying to read situations and just follow your instinct," she wasn't crying, but she sniffled. "Do you really want to, or is it just because you want to make me happy and it's what I want? It's okay if you don't. I just want you to be honest."
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Post by Gabriel Meridian on Dec 30, 2018 15:57:55 GMT -8
He walked over to her and framed her face with his hands, "I want all of those things too. I want you Bec, not because you want it, but because I do. I want to have sex with you, in the most perfect way possible. How could I ever regret doing anything with you? I haven't so far, and it's not going to start now."
"You're right, I need to follow my instincts more and not read situations," he said with a sigh. "Being a teenager sucks because I have all these wants and no idea how to get to them. Like you. I don't want you to regret me, that makes me pause too. I'm afraid you won't like me as much once it's over and done with since we'll have done just about everything you can do."
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Post by Becca Miller on Dec 30, 2018 16:17:54 GMT -8
"You don't really act like it, anymore," she said softly, being forced to look him in the face. Becca bit the inside of her cheek to keep herself in check. There was nothing she wanted more than to look back down at her shoes because looking him in the eyes hurt just a little bit. She was under no illusion that she would enjoy sex as much as he would, but it wasn't about that for her. That wasn't something she'd say aloud, though. But even so, she wouldn't regret it. "I'll still love you afterward. No matter what. I'm not in this just to have sex with you. I want to have sex with you because I want to share a piece of me with you that no one else has or will ever have. Because you mean that much to me. If it doesn't go as well as we hope, we'll just keep trying new things until we find something that works for us."
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Post by Gabriel Meridian on Dec 30, 2018 16:29:20 GMT -8
It was Gabe's turn to sniffle a little bit, but he stepped closer to Becca, his hands still framing her face so she would look at him. "You are my world Bec," he said, "I love you so much that I ache to give myself to you." He leaned in and kissed her firmly so that there was no question about how he felt about her. He put as much of himself into that single kiss, he wasn't sure where he ended and she began.
After a few moments, if she hadn't pulled away, he pulled away and looked in her eyes. "I'll try not to overthink things from now on," he whispered. "I'll go with what my gut says and ignore the little voice inside my head that says I shouldn't."
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Post by Becca Miller on Dec 30, 2018 16:49:59 GMT -8
Becca closed her eyes and let him kiss her. After a moment, she tasted saline. When he pulled away, she quickly swiped the cuffs of her sleeves over her cheeks. There were only a few tears, and they weren't sad, exactly. Her smile was, though. She couldn't really describe how she felt in that moment, but it was a mix of powerful emotions. Connection on a deeper level. Not responding to the things he said was a conscious decision she made. She didn't want to end the night at all but, if they absolutely had to, that was as good a note as any to end it on. If she added anything more, she risked screwing it all up again.
"We should go. This," she said, sounding a bit harsher than intended and motioning her hands to indicate this... discussion? "Will be entirely pointless if we don't make curfew."
With that, she turned on her heel and started walking again, arms unfolded and swinging loosely at her sides.
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Post by Gabriel Meridian on Dec 30, 2018 16:56:15 GMT -8
He nodded sadly, swallowing past a large lump in his throat as he took a couple of long strides to catch up to her. He reached down and took her hand in his, if she'd let him. She had cried and it felt like someone had torn Gabe's heart out and stomped on it. He didn't want her to be crying over anything, especially over him. Gabe wasn't going to get a lot of sleep tonight, he already knew that he was going to be up in the common room with his guitar, working on a song for Becca. It was halfway finished, and maybe tomorrow would be a better day.
"Will I see you tomorrow?" he asked softly as they walked toward the Wampus rooms, insisting on walking her 'home'.
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Post by Becca Miller on Dec 30, 2018 17:51:44 GMT -8
Becca curled her fingers around his, rather than threading them together. "Yeah," she said, keeping her focus straight ahead. "Unless you don't want to go shopping for halloween stuff, anymore."
Had he forgotten, or did he think she wouldn't want to, now? Saturday was their usual date day, and he'd been so excited to celebrate halloween for the first time, ever, so how could he have forgotten? Gabe probably just wasn't certain she was feeling up to it. "We can put it off until next weekend, but I wouldn't wait longer than that, or all the good stuff will be gone," Becca advised, indicating she was perfectly fine if he didn't want to make the trip with her Saturday. She'd probably go, with or without him, but she'd prefer with.
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Post by Gabriel Meridian on Dec 30, 2018 18:02:46 GMT -8
Gabe had been stuck inside his own head long enough. It was time for him to act like the man he wanted to be. He made a dead stop in the abandoned hallway, pulling Becca to a stop too.
"Fuck curfew," he said before he turned toward his right and opened the door, dragging Becca behind him. He shut the door behind her and trapped her body against the door. Without another word, his mouth came down upon hers, hungry and wanting. His hands traveled down her arms until he reached her hands, drawing them up above her head.
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